That’s a blunt question every couple should ask themselves, but many avoid. The power of
association is one of the strongest influences on our character and behavior. Have you ever
warned your kids not to hang around with a particular person because they were a bad
influence? As the old saying goes, “If you lie down with dogs you’re going to get fleas.”
You may even find yourself living in the doghouse.

Whether we’re aware of it or not, we tend to become like the people we spend the most time
with. The same principle is in play for couples, and the people you choose to associate with will
most certainly affect how you relate to each other – and ultimately affect the quality of your
marriage.

Can I be candid? If your current crop of “friends” are self-appointed critics of your
spouse, it’s time to find new friends. If they egg you on and exacerbate divisions
and arguments between you and your spouse, they don’t deserve your friendship.
Even if you were BFFs when you were single, they may be inappropriate now that
you’re married.

This reality can be hard to handle. It’s painful to jettison toxic friends, but you need to protect
your spouse and your relationship at all costs.

How can you tell a booster from a basher?
Marriage experts Robert and Jeannette Lauer came up with some “tough questions” to ask
yourself about your friendships:
● Do they make you feel better about your spouse?
● Do they enjoy the kind of activities and conversation that strengthen marriage?
● Do they respect and support your need for couple-time?
● Do they celebrate marriage as a rich human experience?”

You can always judge a tree by its fruit. Same for people. Before you take advice from anyone,
look at the results their philosophy is having on their own lives. Make sure you’re spending time
with people who have outstanding marriages and align with you in building and supporting
yours. Don’t pal around with anyone who is negative about their own marriage, let alone yours!